Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Finding Rest in a Restless Place

Ahhhh!! I can’t sleep. I feel so restless.  I’ve actually been feeling restless a lot lately.  I used to write in here when I couldn’t sleep at night so I’m giving it a shot.  Here’s to hoping not to fall asleep midsentence or maybe that is what I’m hoping for? I don’t know.   It seems like I don’t know a lot these days.  I don’t know what I want to wear, eat, go or how to spend my time.  I’m just plain restless, but why?

                                             
20 minutes later
I’m starting to feel the stress of the semester, so bad that I had a nightmare the other night about being scolded by a professor for not staying on top of my work. It’s ok to laugh haha its ridiculous I know. Not only am I questioning my decisions on time management but I’m questioning them in other areas of my life as well.  They haven’t been the wisest lately…. I don’t feel like I’m in the right place right now and I’m not talking about a physical place.  I don’t feel like I’m in the same place with God as I was lets just say last April to pick a time period.  Being human, I’m prone to wander and I’m afraid I’ve done just that.  No wonder I feel so restless! 

I think back to last spring and remember how at peace and lighter I felt. I want that again…now if only I could get there. I know I can..I just have to find rest.  Rest in the Lord.

So how do I rest in Him?  Well after thinking about it I think my way of resting in Him is to study His word and occasionally expressing my thoughts here or to a close friend.  In church this past week the pastor talked about finding a quiet or secret place to spend time in prayer with God.  This is something I think I could benefit from.  Just this quiet time I’ve had this evening has been nice.  No distractions just silence with the exception of the washing machine in the background but I can ignore that.  I feel slightly better already, oh the power of prayer. 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.   Matthew 11:28-29

Tonight I’m praying not to waver from God’s promises and to find rest in Him.  

Your prayers are also appreciated :)


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Friday, January 13, 2012

New Years Resolution

Ok so everyone has a New Years Resolution right? Well maybe not.  My older sister asked me a few days before New Years what my resolution was going to be this year.  I had no idea, honestly I hadn't even thought about it.  I don't need to lose weight. I don't want to change my eating habits.  I don't smoke, so no need to quit.  I make good grades...I read my Bible...I could say I want to write more regularly in this blog but I don't think I could stick to it with my crazy schedule.  Why set myself up for failure? haha.  I just couldn't think of anything I really wanted to commit to changing until today.  My lovely roommate shared this blog post with me, I'm Christian, unless you're gay and I loved it and think it's important to share with you all.  I may or may not agree with everything said but I do think its underlying message is an important one, to love everyone especially the people you think its impossible to do so.

I sometimes struggle with this.  Not so much with loving people who are gay because I honestly do but I struggle with loving people who hurt me.  And I mean hurt me so bad that I can't stand the idea of even being around them.  I feel like whenever I'm in their presence I'm just brought down when I know I shouldn't be.  I don't know how I'm supposed to love them when this is how I feel with just the mention of their name but I'm going to work on it.  So my New Years Resolution is decided and it's not just a New Years Resolution but a Life Resolution to love others like Jesus loves me.  I'm going to work hard at opening up my heart and turing the exclusive group of people that I love into an all inclusive group.  This is a life long challenge that I think is worth all of us pursuing.
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