Thursday, May 26, 2011

Verbal Foreplay

If you’re a regular to my blog you already know that my posts are a reflection of what’s resting on my heart. So naturally at times the posts come across as very “Dear Diary”...if you don’t like these “Dear Diary” type posts let this be a warning to you to skip reading this one and select a different one.

Every time I feel like there is nothing else to write about and I’m done posting to this silly blog, God throws me another loop teaching me yet another lesson, a lesson I can’t help but share. Over the past week and a half, I’ve grown strangely close to someone, someone who was only a stranger 2 weeks ago. I only call it strange because I haven’t gotten so close to someone so quickly before...or have I? Ok I’m done talking in circles...I’ll get to the point now.

So I met this guy..hahaha I met him on route to church via a friend...he rode with us. During this 30 minute or so ride, my friend asked about a situation I had been struggling with and as I was talking about the situation I began to explain it to the guy in the backseat who was listening. I asked him for his opinion from a guys perspective and then we went to church. We didn’t talk about it again until the next week when we went to church again but this time without the mutual friend. On the car ride home, our conversation expanded to other topics and not very light topics but more like life discussions. I poured out my personal thoughts over a period of several hours. I realize now that this probably wasn’t the best idea but at the time I didn’t see the harm. I needed someone to talk to and he was there to listen. I felt comfortable talking with him, it was easy. I can confidently say by the end of the day I felt more attracted to him than I did before all of the talking but that still didn’t prepare me for what he had to say at the end of it all. As we were saying goodbye he said something like “I don’t know what you’re thinking but we should stay friends.” This threw me off completely...I didn’t know what to say...I hadn’t consciously thought that I might be falling for this guy. I hardly knew him..I was just telling him about some things I was struggling with. At that point I hadn’t even thought about wanting to date him...I thought he was strange for saying such a thing.

Well after thinking about it...he was smart...he was only guarding his heart--Protecting him and myself from falling for each other after so much emotional sharing. But how did he know to say this? I can’t be sure but I think he’s probably been in this situation before. This is why girls and guys can’t be friends or at least friends in a way that girls and girls can be. When a guy and a girl have these intimate and emotional discussions they become closer. And it’s not a closer friendship that would develop between two girls but they become closer intimately. I read somewhere that this emotional sharing is like “verbal foreplay.” Let me put it this way 2 girls aren’t going to want to hook up after sharing intimately but when a guy and girl do this, know. Yikes! It causes you to want to be closer to this person. It gives you this pseudo-relationship feeling—this explains wanting to date someone you’ve only known a short time or someone you might not have been attracted to in the first place.

If I’m going to wait for the “right” guy than I have got avoid this “verbal foreplay”. Everything I was feeling and talking about was fine to share (no deep dark secrets or anything) but it would have better been shared with not him but another girl.  Lord, please help me find more girl friends. 

Because of all of this sharing I don’t think I’ll be able to stay “just friends” like he asked...we tried hanging out again and feelings only escalated between the two of us. Too many emotions—sucks being a girl sometimes. However, we might be able to be friendly acquaintances; he really is a great guy with a nice heart. I’ll just have to be more careful with my words next time.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”—Proverbs 4:23


Anonymous said...

Here is another perfect example of God’s timing. As I read your blog, I could help but sense a feeling of loneliness. Maybe you’re not overly attracted to this fella but just long for a good friend that will listen, someone who cares about you and what’s going on in your life. You are experiencing wonderful changes in your life and surely want to share them with someone as you should. God’s love is intoxicating and that may be what you are yearning for in a worldly friendship. This morning I received the “Encouragement for Today Devotions” email that I receive from Bible Gateway each day and it really spoke to this blog. It tells you to be the friend to others that you are looking for yourself. God will put more and more people in your just like this young man. That is what God has called us to do from the very beginning. While making new friends you can live our church’s mission of “loving all people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.” If you would like you can read today’s encouraging word through this link...

Love, Mom

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