Who's in control?

Now that I’ve finished my puzzle I’m back to blogging more frequently. You know you’ve missed me ;) and if you haven’t well then I guess send me another puzzle? Haha

The other day at work they called me Napoleon insinuating that I have a “Napoleon complex” or control issues. I must confess I can be controlling at times. I’m thankful that I’m friends with my coworkers and know that they love me or I’d be afraid they disliked me for my control issues. I’ve never really liked group work either. I always felt obligated to do most of the work as I couldn’t control the effort my fellow group members put into the project at stake. It sounds bad but it’s true. I think I might find some security in being in control I’m not sure...all I know is I don’t like it when I don’t feel in control. I’m telling you all this because I’m not okay with it. I don’t like being called Napoleon even if it is a joke, it makes me sad. But at the same time I’m glad it came up because it made me think of who is in control of my life...me or God.

Life is a road of trials and tribulations that are only manageable when God is in the driver seat. If we do not give Him the wheel we are bound to crash.

Some people say we make our own life choices and then God blesses them but what if God makes choices for us and we are supposed to choose and carry out those choices? How do I know that I’m giving Him control and making the right choices now? I can’t see what He sees. This is where a lot of my uncertainty lies...

How do I know that I’ve chosen the right career path? What if somewhere along the way my “control issues” interfered with God’s plan? I’m nervous that once I start classes that it’ll be too difficult. I’m afraid I might fail because it’s not what He had chosen for me but what I chose for myself.

Not giving God control explains all of my failed attempts to find a good guy. Every time I think I’ve found someone great they turn out not to be so great. Or at least not great for me. I probably wouldn’t have gotten so close to them if I would have given God the wheel for 5 minutes. How will I know if the next guy I fall for is in God’s plan for Samantha or in my plan for Samantha?

We are supposed to give total control to our Lord as He knows us better than we know ourselves and only His way is the perfect way. When we interfere and take control we are left with the feeling “What am I doing wrong?” because no matter what we do nothing seems to work out right. I think I’ve said this before, but what I think is best for me may not be what He KNOWS is best for me. I’m afraid I haven’t given Him total control...I want to but not sure how. How do you know when you’ve given total control to Him? Although I wish it could, I don’t think this question can be answered in a “How to follow God for Dummies” kind of book. Haha... I know there is no formulaic answer to this question but if you have some insight please speak up.

Dear Lord, Please teach me how to give you control of the wheel that is my life. Everyone knows that I’m a bad driver and I’m tired of crashing into things...Amen